As a young, 32 year old, with young children, it’s been very rare that I would allow my disabilities and pain to be seen by them. I would use my crutches, but I was so extremely stubborn when it came to my mobility aids. Mainly because I didn’t want the stigma around disabilities to effect me or my children. I don’t want my children to ever witness that as the older two both have their own hidden disabilities.
They have both witness me be discriminated against in-front of them numerous times and it’s hard having to answer questions like “mummy, why was that person so nasty to you”. I mean they’ve never seen the messages I’ve received telling me I should kill myself, that I’m a fat mess, that my illnesses are fake. I’ve had death threats the lot, and even messages in response to a photo of my middles sons foot saying I should have had the cri**le (sorry for that word) put down at birth.
So you can see that I’ve put up with quite a lot of abuse and that’s why I get so anxious about what others might say or do.
On Wednesday night, I had a complete breakdown. I sobbed for hours. The pain I was in, and the level of exhaustion I was experiencing was just too much. Life just felt like ground hog day, the same thing over and over and over again. I come to realise, I really can’t cope as well anymore. I can’t just mobilise on my crutches anymore. I need something else to help me and I need to stop being so silly and stubborn. I can’t do what I once could. Things have got a lot worse, and I’m fighting to make sure I don’t end up bed bound.
I decided I will now being using my scooter more permanently out and about. Sadly our house is just too small for my wheelchair so I will have to remain on my crutches at home for now but I only ever get up to walk to the toilet and back to the sofa anyway.
Invisibly Disabled Me 